Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
