ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm gonna fight the coyote
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
