Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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