And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
