I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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