So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
