yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
