I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
