can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
