I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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