Say something about gay babies.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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