i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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