Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
