that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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