I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
