Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
