We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
