Cold hands, warm shart.
is your mom at the bar?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize