I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
