An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
