i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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