i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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