When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
