She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
