Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We left the knife in your bed.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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