just tell him i said nine months
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This is the prime rib incident all over again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
