I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shit smells like andre
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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