my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
