I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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