you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
