You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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