You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
