Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
