i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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