if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
