There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
