I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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