I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
