you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
