If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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