im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
