the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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