Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were trust falling into bushes
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
