Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
