The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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