I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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