it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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