Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
