are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
