Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
