I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
