I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
