there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
