I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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