That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
