This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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