Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
