We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
