??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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