I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
