We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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