my vag is so smooth its legendary
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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