A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
as a side note pls kill me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
