I puked a lego.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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