Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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