Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
