This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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