Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
