why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
