Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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