I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
