Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
