i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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