I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
