Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
