My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
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i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
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This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize